Expectations and Outcomes

The year I chose deep as my word for the liturgical year, I had Jesus's words to Peter on my heart, "Put out into deep water and lower your nets for a catch."

In that season of life, I was getting started with trying to offer Christ-centered resources to support the process of becoming. Years before I had perceived in prayer, "Use your background in education to draw people towards me." I thought the call was to pivot from teacher education into a ministry context.

I heard his invitations - would you be willing to leave your career? Would you be willing to earn tenure and then like sand slipping through your hands surrender that security and follow me into something new?

Throughout the year, I prayed and took steps. I met with my spiritual director monthly.

I gave my fiat.

Again and again.

And then waited

and waited

and waited.

The door that I thought he was inviting me to walk through remained firmly closed.

Would you be willing...?

I realized it was not about actually offering back my career in education but just whether or not I was willing.

Parts of me were heart broken because along the way, not only had I said yes, but I had become attached to the idea.

Little by little, I started to see new possibilities for how to use my background in education to draw people towards Christ. It seemed like I was approaching a moment of pieces clicking into place. After some challenging years feeling like I kept casting my net, following promptings I perceived without seeing the catch, it seemed like it. was. finally. time. My patience and perseverance were going to pay off.

I put out my first offer in anticipation of what would happen.

I anticipated the catch.

Instead, when the Lord playfully placed another phrase on my heart, "There's more than one way for a catch," I knew that it was not yet time for the type of catch I was hoping for.

Concurrently, my heart sunk and my curiosity was sparked.

There would be more laboring and more waiting, but there would also be surprises in store.

Sometimes the fruits are visible and sometimes the fruits are veiled, came to mind at one point in the journey.

A New Word with New Hopes

Last fall, I selected rooted as my word for the liturgical year.

Three years of quiet perseverance in between, slowly trying to explore and build alongside, once again I felt hopeful anticipation.

It's finally time, I thought. This will be the year that it all comes together. It will be critical to be rooted.

Yet, as often happens with my words as the year unfolds, I am learning that it is a yes, and...

Be Rooted in the Successes

Yes, it is critical to be rooted in the Lord amidst the layers of our life that are exciting and those layers where we might get swept up in the feeling of being in a state of flow or in the metrics.

Yes, it is important to intentionally move at the pace of intimacy, ensuring that proper prioritization is solidly in place and revisited over time, especially when navigating those gray areas of how much of projects are co-creating with him and how much is racing ahead.

Be Rooted in the Struggles

And, when we find ourselves navigating discouragement or disappointment, when we feel overwhelmed and our motivation is waning, we need to be rooted. Sometimes it is about yes and not yet. There is more space for clarifying, purifying, and preparing.

And, there can be moments when it is about awareness of the role of fears that might be holding us back. When we are rooted, "Be not afraid," echoes in response.

Beyond Circumstances

This year, the Lord is reminding me that it is about being rooted in him, ever more deeply, regardless of the circumstances.