In recent years I have developed a love for the month of November. Containing both the Solemnity of All Saints and The Solemnity of Our Lord Jesus Christ, King of the Universe, November points towards the culmination of the liturgical year. It reminds us of our telos--our purpose and end goal.

We are all called to holiness, but within that call lies a unique plan just waiting to be discovered. All Saints is a reminder of the diverse and widespread contexts in which people can become saints. Jesus' kingship reminds us that we can trust amidst the various twists and turns along the way--in our own journeys, in the journeys of those we love, and within the broader culture.

As someone who has lived with the necessity to "get it right" from a young age and tendencies towards over-responsibility, the messy business of becoming had the capacity to provoke a lot of anxiety when thinking about desires for myself, my husband and girls, and the bigger picture of family, friends, and community.

Peace with the Process

Over the last decade, a lot of healing has occurred in this area, helping me to better embrace the process of becoming. Here are some of the aspects that have supported greater peace with the process.

• Adventure: I realized that inherent in God's design for humans is space to grow and develop over time. It is not about perfection from the start, but rather, an ongoing process. Recognizing this alleviated some of the pressure and allowed me to view the process as an adventure and to better enjoy it, rather than white knuckling through the moments. Acknowledging the value in adventure also reminded me that the focus is on relationships--all those moments fostered together in the intimacy of prayer and in community with others. It is also about development vs. what is the most quick, direct, and efficient.

• Responsibility: When it came to anxiety and stress related to my vision and my family's free will, one spiritual director reminded me that I am only responsible for my own holiness. Without remembering the exact context of our conversation, I think that it was along the lines of letting me know that though I have a role to nurture, cultivate, guide, and serve as a witness, ultimately I cannot control their choices. As a result, it is not realistic for their choices to be my responsibility.

• Jesus' Capacity: Rather than having an "it all depends on me" and feeling the crushing weight on my shoulders, shifting from self-reliance and over-responsibility towards surrender and Christ-reliance has also created a greater sense of relief. Guidance to help me discern what is and is not mine to carry has been beneficial. Increasing trust in Jesus' capacity to meet people where they are and tenderly and patiently guide them gave me the confidence to let go of unsustainable efforts to continually problem solve. Even when it comes to my own growth, an understanding of my limitations and God's grace has helped me to be more gentle with myself.

• Love, Space, & Intercession: Like so many aspects in life, though I have put my role vs. God's role into better perspective, there is still that gray area of but I do have a duty and an obligation. With time, the phrases that have come up in prayer have been love, space, and intercession. My job is to love well. It is not to control outcomes but to love in the midst of the different circumstances that unfold over time. I am called to allow space for growth. Rather than seeking quick fixes or to give, as one daughter loves to say, "another life lesson from Mom," I need to allow space for my girls' process of growth and be patient for my girls to be ready for certain lessons over time. Finally, I am called to intercede for them. I can offer steady prayers for them as they navigate their lives. I can communicate the desires of my heart for them and express trust in the Lord's design for development.

Implications for Your Life

• Whether it is a new concept to ponder or a beneficial reminder, which of the four teaching points did you most need to hear? How might that alleviate pressure in your own life?

• To what degree do you recognize your unique design? What are your strengths? What are the ways that you are uniquely equipped to love and serve?

• How might you meditate on Jesus' kingship this month? How might you grow in trust through reflecting on who the Lord is?

Prayer

Loving Lord, thank you for the way that you created each of us unique and unrepeatable. Thank you for the many examples of holiness that you have provided, revealing the endless possibilities for contexts that have the capacity to foster sainthood. Help us to embrace the circumstances of our lives as the very aspects that can shape and refine us. Help us to walk alongside each other shoulder to shoulder.

All holy men and women, pray for us.

Our Lord Jesus Christ, King of the Universe, have mercy on us.